The Prequels Write Me an Email

From: The Prequels
To: Dan
CC: Original Trilogy
Subject: let’s be friends

Dear Dan,

I won’t lie. I’ve missed you.  I know what you’re thinking: we’ve had a rough time over the years and that we haven’t really spent much time together.  But that is how relationships are.  They have their ups and downs.  It’s never easy, is it?  But I think we can do better.  I might not be perfect and I know you haven’t been kind behind my back so maybe we can come together and work it out.

Prequel Episode III via

The two of us were tight, right? I know you waited many years for more Star Wars and eagerly jumped on every schoolyard rumor that slowly made its way to you long before the Internet was a thing.  I know you drove your college friends to the A New Hope re-release with your worn soundtrack blasting the main theme on the cassette player in your ancient rusting Pontiac station wagon (nerd!).  I know you drooled over the new CGI X-wings all lined up just before the trench run.  They looked so cool!  I know you wanted more. You were so filled with expectations and awe. Could computers really do that, you thought?  

I was going to be awesome.  I had Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, and on and on and on.  I was ready to wow you, Dan.  I was ready to give you Star Wars like you never would have imagined.  A few closely framed exteriors in Mos Eisley? Forget it.  Two characters barely moving and hitting together a delicate prop?  I could do better.  I had a whole planet that was one big city for crying out loud.  I had you.  Anakin Skywalker was finally going to fight Obi-Wan Kenobi.  That right there should have sealed the deal.  Darth Vader becoming Darth Vader is a story you wanted and were ready for. How long did you wait at your dial-up modem for the first trailer to download? You were so ready.

So, what happened, Dan?  These movies expanded the universe. They were visually bold and rich.  They were masterfully designed. There was  Darth Maul and Jango Fett.  A dude fooled the entire Jedi order and convinced the entire galactic senate to make him Emperor.  What more did you want?  You wanted clone wars when you were a kid and wondered what the heck Obi-Wan was talking about.  They were both there, clones and wars.   It was a rich story that enhanced themes in the original trilogy and explored new ones. These movies told a tale of love and compassion.  Of darkness and ignorance.  We got to see how the evil redeemed became evil.  I showed you how good intentions are not always enough.  How the noble can get lost and fail to see evil or become it themselves.  And still you couldn’t love them?

Oh, I get it.  You got caught up in the hype.  I acknowledge that I wasn’t perfect.  Everybody has told me so.  Seriously, they don’t stop; they tell me ALL THE TIME. And you listened.  First to some of your friends, and eventually that damn YouTube.  You guys sure had a good laugh about young Ani. (Isn’t The Catcher In the Rye, about the loss of innocence, one of your favorite books? Get it yet?)  You got bored with trade routes and taxes but forgot that the galaxy is complex. You moaned about the acting and the dialogue, but…Ok, I’ll let you have that one. You complained about the sets seeming a little off. Like the characters weren’t really there and too much CGI and yada yada yada. But wasn’t the risk worth it? George innovated and pushed and you have to admit it he did some pretty badass things with computers.  Did you even own a cell phone yet? I think they all still had buttons.  

That brings me to my biggest disappointment in you, Dan. George Lucas. He was your hero.  He created your most favorite thing in the world.  Well, I guess you like your kids too. But you do make them watch Star Wars movies, and play with Star Wars toys and eat off Star Wars plates and…you get my point.  So why did you turn your back on him? News flash: you didn’t invent Star Wars; you only watch them.  You can’t make demands about his creation any more than he can reach into your brain and pull out your memories of them.  Relax, your childhood is just fine.

luke vader open-uri20150608-27674-1nrzzym_b359e7cc
Luke and Vader meet via

You don’t have to love my movies.  They don’t have to be your favorite.  Alec Guinness can play Obi-Wan too . Empire isn’t going away.  But when you think about your favorite moment, and you picture in your mind the struggle inside Luke in his decision to toss away that lightsaber instead of doing the heroic, expected thing and take out the bad guys, you should think to yourself how much more awesome Luke is because he did what his dad couldn’t.  I made that moment better.  You’re welcome.  

So, do you think we can be friends?


The prequels

Author’s note:  I’m not ready to deal with Jar Jar yet.



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